There is the mystery of the starving artists and the gloomy tortuous lives that they must live in honor of their art. Some artists feel that that is what they deserve. What do you deserve as an artist? Do you deserve the fame, glory and celebration, or do you deserve a life in a prison of dusty rotten gloom? In society today it's been suggested that going after your own goals is selfish, and artists are made to feel guilty for their dreams. This gives them no launching pad to jump from, and no bounty can be sought. This happens even for those artists who have already decided on their dream. They get stuck with the undeserving feeling, and even the feeling of guilt when connected to their own craft. The job of an artist is important, and so is the bounty.
I spoke with a friend of mine who always wore old raggedy clothing. She would mock me anytime I showed up in a new blouse, or with a brand new pair of pumps. She would even tease me that I put significance on unimportant things such as fashion. The truth is that I shop for fashion wisely, I find the deals, and take care of the clothing I have. It's not a matter of money even, it's a matter of what you feel you deserve. In the meantime, my friend would wear tennis shoes, jeans from the 80's, and her husbands unwashed t-shirts. She never dressed up, and when I asked her why she told me she was a starving artist, and that's how starving artists do things. Symbolically she felt that if she was not as successful in her career as she wanted to be, that she did not need to dress nicely. She said she would dress better once she gets to the red carpet. This was her penance for being an artist. She felt that by wanting and having better before big success, that she was jumping the gun. By acting unworthy in the clothing she wore, she demonstrated unworthiness in her art.
Self worth is the challenge here. I believe if she would have put on the clothing of successful artists (her art is acting) that she would feel as if she deserved more in her art. Self-esteem is a feeling, and to gain it we have to have actions that full of esteem. Do esteemable acts to gain the quality of self-esteem. Yeah, this sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus, and maybe you believe that it's spiteful and shallow to fix an issue like fashion. It's bigger than fashion. It's the creative state that needs to happen for her, so she won't feel like she has to remain in a starving actor state of mind.
She had many mantras she would repeat whenever I spoke about a new pair of shoes I wanted for an audition, or a new bracelet to celebrate booking a part. She would say, "Look around, do you see any millionaires here?" "I don't deserve to buy things like that for myself because I need to focus on IMPORTANT things." She always looked like she was on the verge of crying anytime she spoke of her self worth. She did however spend hundreds of dollars monthly on her psychic hotline phone bill. She needed confirmation that she was on the right path, that doing her art was really okay, and would pay to hear it. Her circle of friends around her clearly did not support her path. She should have given them a good swift kick goodbye, but she didn't. She had cast herself in the part of her lifetime, as a character and loser of little to no worth.
The truth is she deserved to dress nicely. She worked hard, supported her children, and sacrificed years for her acting training and, she is truly is good at what she does.
Finally, she asked for help. She gave me an opening by suggesting I help her get her own look. I went to her home, threw away all the stained, aged, and old clothing. We went to the mall and she found fashionable neat clothing for less money than she expected. That was the starting point for her to turn her esteem around. Today she is a working actress, and every time I see her she is dressed beautifully. She looks put together, always smiling, and proud of her art.
I am not suggesting that by spending money you can gain esteem. It took very little money for my friend to start the action towards feeling her own worth. For some it's the action of cleaning up their living room where they rehearse, for others it's getting new paintbrushes. If your car is dirty and old, wash it, and add a new coat of wax. If your hair needs cutting, go to a hair-school and get it cut. If you tell yourself you deserve good things, you will get good things. Demand the best, and work towards it in steps. See how far your art can go when you put your self in order as an artist first, and demand improvement of your life first. It takes one action to start. For my friend, it was a new outfit, for another a new photography class and another a gym membership. What is it for you?
Amber Dawn Lee
Amber Dawn Lee was featured in Creative Screenwriting magazine as a writer whose screenplays are "raw and full of heart." Greg Brooker said "Amber Lee has an innate instinct to understand drama and she put's it on the page beautifully."
Two of her screenplays Mockstar and Children of the West were quarter finalists in the triple A screen writing competition. Amber created her own production company Movie Junkies Productions in 2007, and has produced and acted in several of her own projects which were designed specifically for her. Her talents don't stop with writing though. She is a talented actress and can endure the nature of several types of characters in her work. She loves a challenge, and being on a movie set is her favorite place on earth.
Amber studies acting under the influence of Milton Katselas at the Beverly Hills Playhouse, and has performed in theatre both regional and around Hollywood. Upon the death of Katselas she continued study with Rob Brownstein who is also directing her in the dark drama Lot Lizard in 2011. Amber has the ability to unzip audiences through acting ability.
Amber Dawn Lee won the award for Best Supporting Actress in the Aphrodite International Film Festival in 2011. Her credits can be looked up on the International Movie Data Base.
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